you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
