Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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