Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
