I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
