Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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