I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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