I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
