my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
