fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
