its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
