Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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