Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
