are you still at the devil's house?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
