it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
