Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
