im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
