the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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