Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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