first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
