I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
