My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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