That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
