I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
