i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
