I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
