he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
