He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
