we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
