I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You have to summon your inner elephant
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
