I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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