The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
