I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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