people are starting to question the shark bite story
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
