If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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