I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
