can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
