Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
