My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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