So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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