so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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