just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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