My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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