EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
