Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
