Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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