OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
