Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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