I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
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It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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