Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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