all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
