Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
