I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
