dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she smelled like a LAN party
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
