Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
