Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
