i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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