oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I could fuck to npr.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
