I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
