I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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