my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
