ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
