Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
