What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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