Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
