Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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