Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
